God, Jesus, Satan and the Whole Enchilada
Thoughts, Considerations, Reflections and Reasoning on Religion
© Paulo Bittencourt
When a Christian says “I want to see you criticize Islam!”, he is confessing that he is envious of Muslims killing critics.
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If you question followers of the Bible about the savageries their god committed, such as killing the children of Egypt, and the savageries their god ordered to be committed, such as killing the children of neighboring peoples, they will respond: “God is love, but he is also justice!”, a phrase that (besides not justifying the savageries its god committed and ordered to be committed) is not even in the Bible.
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Wouldn’t you call someone a psychopath, if he tortured you simply because you ignored him?
Yet, Jews, Christians and Muslims find it perfectly normal for their god to torture those who ignore him.
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The Bible is worse than the Koran.
Because it’s thicker, it contains more perversions.
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Christians believe that all children have a guardian angel.
When one is kidnapped, raped and strangled, where was he? Taking a nap?
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If the creator of two trillion galaxies is Yahweh, he finds it indecent for women not to hide their hair under a wig (sheitel). If he is Allah, he finds it obscene for women not to cover their heads with a veil (hijab). If he is Jesus, he finds it shameless for women not to wear long hair:
If it is a shame for a woman to have her hair cut off or shaved, let her be covered. […] If a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her, for her hair is given her for a covering.(1 Corinthians 11:6,15)
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The overwhelming majority of those who demonize abortion worship a god who, right and left, killed children.
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If Jesus is “the Great Physician”, why do Christians also die of cancer?
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Christians call government aid to the poor Communism, but worship a god who sent food from Heaven.
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— Dad, what is contradiction?
— Contradiction is saying “God has set me free. Now I’m God’s servant”.
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If everything good comes from God and everything evil comes from Lucifer, but God created Lucifer knowing that he would do evil, and if nothing can happen that God does not allow, God too is evil.
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Proof that Christianity is madness.
For years, a father sexually abuses his daughter. Because she was not protected, she concludes that God doesn’t exist. The father asks God for forgiveness, dies and goes to Heaven. The daughter dies an atheist and goes to Hell. While the father lives in a golden mansion, the daughter he abused is tortured — for all eternity.
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If, like the man, the woman was perfectly conceived by an Intelligent Designer, why does she menstruate?
Wouldn’t the creator of two trillion galaxies be intelligent enough to design the woman without the need to menstruate?
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Schizophrenia.
Christians love to pose as patriots, but their Master said that “they are not of the world” (John 17:16).
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While the Bible tells you to beat your children, studies show that young people who were not beaten by their parents are less violent.
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Those who want to live in Heaven can’t possibly find it bad to live in Iran.
It’s a theocracy as well.
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A god who doesn’t protect and doesn’t heal his worshippers is good for nothing.
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If atheists are empty people, why do so many believers in God suffer from depression?
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What would the world be like, if Yahweh and Allah were not gods, but goddesses?
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God came to Earth to live as a man. However, as incredible as it may seem, the Creator of the Universe “forgot” to have the most important event in History extensively documented by eyewitnesses, so that there would be no doubt about its veracity. The oldest accounts of Jesus were written many decades and even centuries after his supposed coming to Earth.
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If you practice medicine without a license, you go to jail.
If you practice medicine without a license and claim it’s from God, you get rich.
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The god who is capable of creating trillions of galaxies is not capable of inspiring people to write an easy-to-understand book.
Christianity is divided into thousands of sects, and each one dictates what in the Bible is figurative, what is literal; what is obsolete, what is valid, and all of them believe they interpret it correctly.
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Almost all religions teach that women are inferior to men.
Even so, women accept this obvious absurdity as the most natural thing in the world and are more religious than men.
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God is so good, so very good, that for thousands of years he has allowed Satan to do whatever he pleases.
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Proof that Yahweh and Allah are human inventions.
The fact that they demand worship.
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Religion = Appeal to Fear Fallacy.
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The creator of two trillion galaxies made food fall from the sky, multiplied oil and flour and fed a crowd with five loaves of bread and two small fish — but can’t make churches exist without tithes and offerings.
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One of the many biblical passages ignored by Christians:
When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them. The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself.(Leviticus 19:33-34)
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One day, while I was talking to Jesus, I became terrified, because I realized I was talking to myself.
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If we were created by an Intelligent Designer, why does our life depend on drinking water and eating? He would surely be capable of making us without these needs.
There wouldn’t be so many millions of people going hungry, we wouldn’t be killing so many billions of animals and destroying so much land and we would be littering the planet less.
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Faced with numerous cases of child abuse, any organization would be forced to shut down.
Unless it’s a church.
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Judaism, Christianity and Islam spread through much bloodshed.
With the exception of scholars, all Christians believe that Jerusalem was founded by David and that, therefore, Israel has full rights over that city. The truth is that Jerusalem comes from uru-salim and means “foundation of the god Shalim” (the god of twilight). In other words, every time Jews and Christians say “Jerusalem” they are mentioning a pagan god. It was the city of a Canaanite people. David went there, massacred everyone and took Jerusalem from the Jebusites.
Poetic, isn’t it?
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Christian “logic”.
— God saved me from a terrible accident.
— Then, why doesn’t God save children from being raped and strangled?
— Because of free will.
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Holy Spirit forces a 12-year-old girl* to have a child with him.
[* Maria]
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“Christian Democrat” is a contradiction, since the foundation of Christianity is theocracy.
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The best religions are those that self-destruct, like the Shakers.
In the 19th century, these Christians numbered 16,000. Today, there are only two Shakers left. And the reason? As ridiculous as it may seem, marriage is forbidden in this religion.
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The Bible is immoral.
Or do you think it’s morally right to stone people, even your own children?
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If religion is about peace and love, why don’t Jews, Christians and Muslims get along?
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It’s one thing to believe that the Universe was created by someone, it’s quite another to believe that the creator of the Universe wants you to follow the childish rules and practice the ridiculous rituals of a religion.
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Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.
Based on this biblical principle, after spending many centuries sowing intolerance Christians should not be surprised to reap intolerance.
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When he tested Adam and Eve and Abraham and Job, the God of the Bible proved that either he is not omniscient or he is sadistic, or both.
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Proof that you created God in your own image.
When God hates the same people you hate.
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— Dad, what is a Christian?
— A Christian is someone who does the opposite of what Christ taught.
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Thank goodness God exists, otherwise the world would be full of wars, famine and injustice.
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This is what the book supposedly followed by people who abhor Socialism and say that poor people are bums says:
There need be no poor people among you [...]. If anyone is poor among your fellow Israelites [...], do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward them. Rather, be openhanded [...]. Give generously to them and do so without a grudging heart [...]. I [the Lord] command you to be openhanded toward your fellow Israelites who are poor and needy in your land.(Deuteronomy 15:4,7-8,10-11)
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If you are a pastor, how to compel believers in God to give money to your church?
Simple: do as apostle Paul did. Tell them that God only loves them if they open their wallets: “God loves a giver”. However, you don’t want them to give you money reluctantly, making a face, do you? Because of that, Paul adds sadism to this condition, saying that, to be loved by God, one must give “cheerfully” (2 Corinthians 9:7).
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What do we call an individual who constantly controls not only all the actions but even all the thoughts of all people — and threatens with torture anyone who doesn’t worship him?
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Confusion about God’s will doesn’t exist only in Christianity.
Islam is also divided into sects, including Sunnism, Shiism, Alawism, Alavi Bohras, Kharijism, Dawoodi Bohras, Druze, Twelver, Hebtiah Bohras, Ibadism, Ismailism, Makramides, Mustalians, Nizari, Septimians and Zaidism. Even so, in terms of the number of divisions, Christians win hands down.
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Atheists are stupid, because only stupid people deny the obvious.
Look at the Universe. Look at Nature. Look at the human body. Could they have come about by chance? Of course not! It’s evident that all these wonders were created by Nhanderuvuçu*.
[* Tupi-Guarani god.]
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Hello, Intelligent Designer!
Every year, thousands of people die from choking because you made the trachea and the esophagus share the same entrance.
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Stop expecting tolerance from followers of the Bible.
Tolerance is not a biblical teaching.
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According to Jews and Christians, the creator of two trillion galaxies has a nose:
You are to wash the internal organs and the legs with water, and the priest is to burn all of it on the altar. It is a burnt offering, a food offering, an aroma pleasing to the Lord. (Leviticus 1:9)
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If animal sacrifice isn’t sufficient proof of the primitiveness of the god of the Bible, how about penis mutilation?
Yahweh created man with a foreskin, but men with foreskins could not (and, for the Jews, still cannot) be part of God’s chosen people.
Despite stating that mutilating the male genital organ to please God was no longer valid for Christians, apostle Paul took Timothy’s penis (who was about 30 years old and with whom he traveled preaching) and cut off its foreskin, in order to be well received by the Jews.
Although bizarre, this only makes sense if, at the entrance of each city, foreigners were required to lift their robes and show their one-eyed robe snakes.
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A set of beliefs practiced by a few people is called superstition.
A set of beliefs practiced by many people is called religion.
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Christians never tire of talking about “defending the family”, but they worship a god who sent droughts, famine and plagues upon families.
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Religions are like sausages.
Once you find out how they’re made, you’ll never eat, in this case, follow one again.
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Quod gratis asseritur, gratis negatur.
What is claimed without evidence can be refuted without evidence.
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Do you want to see a Christian stutter?
Ask him to explain this passage:
Truly I tell you, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom.(Matthew 16:28)
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When Christians say “God”, they are not referring to God, but to a god: the god of a collection of copies of copies of more copies of rags of fragments of parchments from the Iron Age written by a people from the Middle East.
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A man following a religion is masochism. A woman following a religion is downright self-hatred.
Most religions demean women. In Hinduism, menstruating women are not allowed to enter temples — a rule that exists also in the Bible.
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Why do Islamic laws about the stoning of homosexuals and adulterous women horrify Christians so much, if they were copied from the Bible?
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To appease God’s wrath, the Jews offered him animals.
Christians have a different method: offering him money.
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When Christians commit evils, poor Satan is the one who gets the blame, when, in fact, it’s God’s fault.
As incredible as it may seem, this is even taught by Jesus himself. You don’t believe it? The Lord’s Prayer, recited by all Christians, says: “Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil”.
When Christians commit evils, it’s, therefore, because God allowed it.
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— Dad, who is Jesus?
— Jesus was a hippie who broke norms and taboos and is followed by aggressive and backward people.
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Christian parents find nudity in art immoral, but they make their children read a book that teaches they are descended from incest.
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Christian, if Evolution is a lie because we were designed by an Intelligent Designer, answer me this:
- What are toenails for?
- Why can we wiggle our ears, but only a little?
- What is the purpose of a beard, and why do only men have one?
- What are men’s nipples for?
- What are wisdom teeth for?
- Why do we have body hair, but much less than animals and shorter than theirs?
- What is the purpose of pubic hair and hair in the anal region?
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Proof of the primitiveness of Judaism, Christianity and Islam.
The doctrine of Hell.
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Another of the countless biblical passages ignored by Christians:
Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.(Romans 13:1)
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Followers of the religion of Jesus’ love spent centuries killing each other.
In the 13th century, in southern France, the Christian Catharism movement was exterminated by the Albigensian Crusade, led by Pope Innocent III. Death toll: 1 million.
In Europe, Christians killed more than 30 million Christians because of theological differences.
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“The future belongs to God”, were it not for the small detail that for an omniscient god the future does not even exist.
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The god you worship is the true one, and the religion you follow is the true one.
Did I get it right?
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The God of the Bible created the Universe in six days, but needed 40 to instruct Moses on how to build the tabernacle. Later, Solomon fleeced his people with taxes to build a lavish temple for a god who “does not dwell in temples made by human hands” (Acts 17:24).
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Christianity teaches that we are guilty of the crime of, 6,000 years before we were born, a couple taking a bite on a magic fruit and that we are guilty of the crime of, 2,000 years before we were born, the son of the invisible being who created that couple having been tortured and crucified — and more than 2 billion people find this obvious delusion the most natural thing in the world.
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When a child was kidnapped, raped and strangled, Satan had more power to cause it than God had to prevent it — or God didn’t care.
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In the United States, after a terrorist attack it’s common for the police chief to ask the public to pray for the wounded — to the same god who didn’t protect them from the attack.
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Isn’t it incredible that we live in a world where not believing in fairies, elves and gnomes is seen as normal, but not believing in deities, angels and demons is considered abnormal?
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Invisible beings have always been very busy.
When a Jew or Christian was tortured, God didn’t lift a finger to save him. When a witch or fortune teller was tortured, Satan didn’t care either.
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Proof that Christianity and Islam are wicked religions.
The Bible and the Koran teach that people who do not worship the gods of those books will be tortured in a lake of fire and brimstone — even if they were good people.
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In India, between 2000 and 2016, more than 2,500 people were murdered accused of witchcraft.
— Well, but that’s in India, a country with an ignorant religion!
Do not allow a witch to live.(Exodus 22:18, the holy book of Christians)
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In Europe, if you make fun of the fact that Jews and Muslims don’t eat pork you can be prosecuted for hating two religions — which mutually hate each other.
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Women who follow Judaism and Christianity worship a sadistic and misogynistic deity.
According to the Bible, the terrible pain of childbirth is one of Yahweh’s punishments for biting into the forbidden fruit.
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Many things cause division, but if there’s one thing that shouldn’t cause division it’s religion. However, religion is precisely the thing that most causes division.
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Mystery.
For four long centuries, millions of Israelites were slaves in Egypt — and the Egyptians forgot to mention it in their writings.
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Minors seeing nudity in art exhibitions = Scandal.
Minors reading about sensuality, immorality, lewdness and shamelessness in the Bible = OK.
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When Christians tell you that women can preach in their churches, you know they aren’t following the Bible to the letter.
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Martin Luther: “The Devil is the author of diseases.”
Paulo Bittencourt: “God is the author of the Devil, therefore also of diseases.”
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Madnesses of religion:
Masturbation reduces the risk of prostate cancer, but it’s a sin.
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If prayer had any power, no plane would ever crash.
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Religion causes schizophrenia.
Rightly so, all Jews and the vast majority of Christians find it horrifying that Nazism exterminated Jews, but they find it perfectly natural to follow a god who commanded the Jews to exterminate other peoples.
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Whether you are Jewish, Christian or Muslim, you worship a god who, just to win a bet, made a man* suffer horribly (including sending his ten children to their doom) — a bet whose outcome your god already knew.
[* Job]
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When there was no separation between Church and State, there was religious freedom — for a single religion: Christianity. Even so, where Catholicism was the official religion, Protestantism was persecuted, and where Protestantism was the official religion, Catholicism was persecuted.
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Pastor Jim Jones murdered 918 Christians.
If you are a Christian, you cannot find this an atrocity, because, according to your own religion, these Christians went to Paradise to live with Christ.
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Jews, Christians and Muslims believe that their god is omniscient and gave free will.
Being omniscient, God knows the future. Knowing the future, he cannot change it. Having no way to change it, everything is programmed to happen. Everything being programmed to happen, free will does not exist.
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Proof that Christianity is all talk and no action:
In addition to loving enemies and praying for persecutors, Jesus commanded to forgive offenders, yet pastors sue those who offend them.
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When you ask yourself “Why do I believe in this god? Why do I follow this religion?”, you realize that it’s for no other reason than to receive favors and rewards and out of fear of punishment.
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Jesus can see you, but you cannot see Jesus.
Isn’t that a little unfair?
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Jesus died for me 2,000 years before I could say to him: “Instead of dying for people who did nothing to you and didn’t ask you to die for them, why don’t you snap your fingers and make all pain and suffering disappear?”
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What you call a “sacred book” is nothing more than a collection of copies of copies of more copies of rags of fragments of parchments from the Iron Age.
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Christians spent centuries murdering people because of verses like this: “Anyone who blasphemes the name of the Lord must be put to death” (Leviticus 24:16).
Did they stop doing it because they recognize it’s madness, or are they simply afraid of going to prison?
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Intelligent Designer?
Every second, more than 6,000 stars die (explode, implode, are swallowed by black holes, etc.). If they have planets, they too go to hell.
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If the belief in God doesn’t make people more loving, it’s useless.
Guess what: most Jews, Christians and Muslims never tire of proving that the belief in God doesn’t make people more loving.
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Catholic Christians despise Protestant Christians who despise Shia Muslims who despise Sunni Muslims.
And vice versa.
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All Christian denominations originate from splits.
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Promising him financial success, induce someone to give you money, and you may have problems with the law.
Unless you’re a pastor.
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Fake news in the Iron Age.
Bible and Koran.
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Study the god of Israelite culture and you will be called a theologian.
Study the gods of other cultures and you will be called a mythologist.
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Forget politics! A 100% religious solution to poverty, in a country with 87% Christians: they would simply have to practice what is written in the holy book they claim to follow.
Those who believed had everything in common and shared everything they had. There were no needy people among them. Selling their possessions and goods, they distributed to each according to their need.(Acts of the Apostles, chapters 2 and 4)
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And that’s because God is love. Imagine if he weren’t!
The people of Samaria must bear their guilt, because they have rebelled against their God. Their little ones will be dashed to the ground, their pregnant women ripped open.
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In the 21st century, 1.2 billion Catholics fervently believe that they eat the flesh and drink the blood of Jesus — and (almost) no one calls this cannibalism or mental disorder.
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And speaking of pedophilia, when the Holy Spirit compelled Mary to have a child with him she was only 12 years old.
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Why believe in invisible beings?
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They say Jesus is “peace and love”, but that didn’t stop his British followers from massacring his Irish followers, stealing their land and forcing them to convert to Protestantism.
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God: “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.”
Result: Overpopulation and destruction.
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The Portuguese brought Catholicism to India, where it still persecutes people today.
Writer Sanal Edamaruku dared to say that the “miracle” of a crucifix in a church, from which water drips, is a fraud. The Catholic Church requested Sanal’s arrest, forcing him to move to Finland.
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Christianity teaches that to live is to risk going to Hell and that aborted fetuses go to Heaven, but Christians are against abortion.
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Asked if there is proof of God’s existence, theologian Leonardo Boff replied that there is not: “God’s place is not in reason”.
In other words, use your brain for everything, but to believe in God turn it off.
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Destroy all sacred books, and the sacred books of the future will be different from those of today.
Destroy all science books, and the science books of the future will be the same as those of today.